The happiness of a single parent is coupled with deep loneliness too.

The Science of Lovemaking

I’m beginning to think the fact that world species are biologically made to find a mating partner and eventually reproduce offspring. But the human race, is of course, more than those courtship sessions of animals that we witness in the National Geographic and Discovery Channel TV. Humans are of the intelligent type and has deeper feelings and are regarded as stewards of creation.

snails, ummm, making love

I Want a Lover!

As such, I really long to have a partner in life. Perhaps some single parents are strong enough to say they can live alone. I tell that thing in my younger years: but now I deeply realized that this is NOT true. I need a partner, a lover, a close friend, a buddy.

I really wish to have a strong hand to help me around. I wish to have someone who can take care of me when I feel cramps when my monthly period begins. Where is the man who can hold me in his arms and tell me that everything is okay?

And yes, sex, the ultimate flavor of married life. The hottest nights that will truly make me more than a woman is a picture painted in my past. Sex is always a fleeting imagination that I’ve always craved: doing that with someone that I love and I can truly call my own is something that I’ve always dreamed in my wildest fantasies.

The Right Man Will Come – at the Right Time!

People keep tell me that the right man will come, and I’ve started to grow tired with these comforting words. I don’t believe in it anymore. Not another word mentioning that. The probability of meeting men is getting even less as I grow old. Men of my age are mostly married. Younger men want younger girls. I have this fear of meeting people from dating sites online.

I’ve had spent almost a decade working in a male-dominated environment; but still, I had no luck.

What’s Wrong With Me?

This is hard to tell, to describe myself. I don’t want to brag, but I have to mention my attributes that make up my personality. I know I am pretty: I had a line of admirers in my college years.

Is my intelligence a hindrance? I only made it to the Dean’s List in my university years. I saw several girl-batchmates who got better grades than I did; she is living a happy life with a husband and a kid.

Have I set a higher standards on guys? Perhaps not. My problem is actually finding eligible single guys: it seemed to me that there are less fishes in the ocean that I’ve been swimming in.

Am I too fat? I’ve lost my slim body two years after giving birth. Perhaps this counts as a factor for me to be a first-impression turn off.

Personality? Attitude? Perhaps this can be a big factor, because I always lose guys right after I meet them. I have some team of close friends who can tell me outright what’s wrong with my personality without losing their friendship. This makes me a better person each day.

My Deepest Fears

One big fear that I have is the eternity of living alone, after my daughter had began to be a lovely young lady wooed by admirers of her age, then eventually gets married to the man that she likes.I think of this and I find myself curled up, sobbing to tears.

I am prepared to live a life of being single and alone even after my kid had grown up. A painful path, but still I had to see that possibility of living alone, and coming up with big decisions that I had to make for myself and my daughter. Sometimes I wish I had a good husband who can help me come up with ideas and decide, but then, I had to learn strong decision-making skills myself.

I’m still happy with the freedom of not having a husband who runs my entire life, but the assurance that someone loves me is still something that might go missing.